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All About Me: Loving a narcissist

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    Available in PDF - DJVU Format | All About Me: Loving a narcissist.pdf | Language: ENGLISH
    Simon Crompton(Author)

    Book details


Why some men cannot love, why we still love them, and what we can do about it.

What do you do if you are in love with an emotional vampire? Can he actually control his behaviour? Why does he behave the way he does?

Since the ancient Greeks told the story of Narcissus, we have recognised that some people are simply self-obsessed. But there is now evidence to suggest that narcissism is shaping our times, and most of all, our relationships.

Today narcissism is a quality that is being continually reinforced by our celebrity-obsessed, high achievement, sell-yourself culture. It is increasingly being recognised as a behavioural disorder (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), with clinics such as the Priory claiming 16% of their patients have this disorder. With real-life case studies and questionnaires, All About Me will reveal whether you are in love with a born narcissist.

In this original and compelling book, Simon Crompton explores what this means for our relationships today, and is guaranteed to make you think about yourself and your partner in an entirely new light.

Chapter breakdown:
1. It's all about me: What is a narcissist?
2. Look in the mirror: Are you a narcissist?
3. Enter Mr Darcy: Why everyone falls in love with narcissists
4. When Mr Right goes wrong: What it's like to suffer at the hands of a narcissist
5. A world without love: What creates a narcissist?
6. Generation me: Narcissism as a product of our culture
7. I'm a celebrity narcissist: Why narcissism helps people get places
8. Narcissism as a disease: Narcissistic Personality Disorder
9. The hollow men: What it's like to be a narcissist
10. Getting help
Contacts and bibliography

"This is the perfect springboard for family reminiscences." --"Kirkus Reviews"

2.3 (9579)
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Book details

  • PDF | 256 pages
  • Simon Crompton(Author)
  • Collins (29 July 2011)
  • English
  • 8
  • Health, Family & Lifestyle

Read online or download a free book: All About Me: Loving a narcissist

 

Review Text

  • By Busysinglemum on 7 September 2012

    A revelation. If you have the misfortune to deal with someone in your life who has narcissistic personality disorder, whether at home or at work, this will shed a lot of light and help you to cope with the brutal reality of it. I don't understand remarks in another review that it's about celebrity culture, the problem has nothing to do with celebrity status or mindset, it's about the individual's fundamental inability to relate to others normally. That the author is willing to share his own personal experience is brave and compelling.

  • By silverset on 6 June 2008

    I found this book interesting as it tries to explain why a narcissist person behaves the way they do. It is said their behaviour can become either inherited and or had been influenced by lack of love throughout their upbringing. It puts into detail how a narcissist person can be totally oblivious to how their behaviour affects others around them because they are so wrapped up in their own insecurity and fear.

  • By Allen Baird on 1 January 2013

    Why 'cocktail'? While classified as a "Relationships" book, All About Me is a mix of several genres, including social psychology, emotional advice and cultural criticism. Some parts of it read like agony aunt articles from your local newspaper, complete with personal stories and advice. Other parts take a snorkelled dive into the waters of psychology and give the lowdown on diagnostics, symptoms and causes. There is a mini-rant against celebrity culture...more of which later.Why 'low-cal'? This is not a primary or even secondary source text and doesn't pretend to be. The relationship stuff tastes like Crompton's own work. Any heavier ingredients he borrows from others, while acknowledging and noting all sources. From my own slight experience, he seems familiar with the main thinkers on narcissism. If you want something academic, profound or groundbreaking I suggest you try elsewhere.Why 'mostly'? There's much I liked about this book. Different subject matters and perspectives on narcissism are kept within chapter boundaries so it doesn't feel like a hodgepodge. It is easy to read; there is flow, progress and life application.I especially enjoyed the smattering of interludes where Crompton takes a few pages to ask whether some of the great names of fiction and fact - Sherlock Holmes (I knew it!), Lord Byron, Hamlet, Napoleon - where narcissists. Mr Darcy and James Bond get the treatment too, as is right.It seems to me, amateur that I am, that Crompton knows his stuff when it comes to the medical side of things. Rather than paint the whole town with the red of "everything is narcissism", he makes careful distinctions, for example, between the way narcissism is analysed in the UK and US, between traits and personalities, between concepts and diagnoses, between primary and secondary narcissism, between bodily and cerebral narcissism, between Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Acquired Situational Narcissism (ASN) etc.I also appreciated Crompton's dealing with the possible relation between narcissism and maleness. He was right to cite the work of Simon Baron-Cohen here, with his thesis that autism is extreme-male-brainness (127-8). Connection? Male-brains lack empathy, narcissists lack empathy, ergo...Why I got this book in the first place was as a simple follow-up to Michael Maccoby's excellent 'The Productive Narcissist: The Promise and Peril of Visionary Leadership' (see my review). Compton mentions it, cites it, summarizes it, and then drops it (61, 123, 156-158). Beyond this, his total perspective on narcissism is negative. Whether this represents a wasted opportunity or an awkward acknowledgement, you tell.My main problem with the book - apart from the lack of index, grrrrrrr - was the connection Crompton drew between narcissism and individualism. Let me quote."Narcissism is a spectrum of selfishness...In the ethical context, it is about the contrast between selfishness and altruism...In the social context, it's about individualism and society." (33)Here, the concepts of narcissism, selfishness, egoism and individualism are all enmeshed. However, at one point he does acknowledge that there is a difference, as:"Selfishness implies a willful imposition of the self, but narcissism is more of an involuntary imposition - because it's a manifestation of personality, not will. Narcissists really can't help being self-centred." (54-55)Now, it seems, there are different kinds of selfishness, one that is a rational choice, and another that is the reflex of a damaged psyche. Unfortunately, Crompton forgets this distinction when he comes to chapter six, an interesting discussion of narcissism and society. Here again, he entangles the concepts of narcissism with individualism, capitalism, consumerism, wealth-creation, celebrity-obsession, competitiveness and high-achievement. So are all these the outflow of psychological illness (chapter eight)?Crompton zeros in on the abomination that is The X Factor to provide evidence for his point that narcissism is a creeping national disease (144). Contestants exhibit "delusional behaviour" and possess a "strong belief in themselves and their ability" despite the obvious contrary evidence. Crompton complains that it is "intrinsically fantastical" to believe that success is a possibility and right for all "regardless of what we do".My strong opinion is that Crompton is correct in his description of some of the symptoms but wrong in his diagnosis that narcissism is to blame. Yes, every idiot today is under the false impression that they are special, talented and entitled, since this is what they are told on TV. Yes, they do not realise that success requires hard work, gigantic resolution, ruthless focus and an eye for real-world opportunities. To me, this screams a lack of selfishness - self-knowledge, self-control, self-esteem - rather than a surplus. They love themselves too little, not too much!Connected to this, I believe that narcissists are the opposite of the individualists that Crompton sees fit to target. Narcissists are people who need other people; they need their attention, their praise, their validation. They can only define themselves in terms of a larger group. An individualist, on the contrary, is marked by the quality of self-reliance in personal evaluation and judgment. Emotional detachment, yes; lack of empathy, no.So we're back to Maccoby's distinction between productive and unhealthy narcissism. Crompton's failure to utilize this dichotomy spoils the flavour of his book somewhat, despite its other virtues. As a society, I feel we are in desperate need of a flood of healthy narcissism to wash away the sickness of celebrity worship and self-neglect. I'll leave talk of self-sacrifice, service and saving others for politicians and celebrity pop stars.

  • By Kindle Customer on 13 October 2011

    I think this is one of the best books on Narcissism that I've read - and I've read a lot of them! One of the great things about it is that it examines the condition of Narcissism in the context of society and culture in general, in a most accessible and enlightening way - for example, it explains the difference of approach to Narcissism in the United States and in the U.K., which is something which tends to puzzle a newcomer to the subject. The author provides plenty of case histories but he avoidswallowing in long tales of traumatic abuse, choosing rather to break down general narcissistic approaches into specific aspects of how a Narcissist relates to a significant other, and to explain the consequent effects on the partner. He also portrays the isolation of the Narcissist him/herself, who is far too complex, in Crompton's thoroughly knowledgeable analysis of the condition, to be written off simply as a villain. The book manages that difficult combination of psychological insight alongside clarity of expression and engrossing readability; a rare achievement in this field!

  • By Subongrim on 14 January 2015

    A good book for explaining a lot of things about human traits. It would appear we all have a little bit of narcissism in us but some a lo0t more than others. It helps to understand these people and avoid them if necessary.

  • By C. Davison on 17 March 2013

    I haven't finished reading this book, but I am finding it helpful to come to terms with some people and even myself! Really good, not difficult (medically speaking) to understand!


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